Achieving a meaningful life
Time to read: minutes
Time to understand:
it took me more than 50 years
Photo by Cristina Gottardi on Unsplash
Pillars of Life
Imagine a world where everyone wakes up every day inspired to go to work, to be the best version of themselves, and to make a positive impact in their own lives and the lives of others. A world where the pursuit of happiness and fulfillment is not just a concept, but a daily reality.
At the heart of this vision lies the understanding of what truly motivates us as human beings. Our unique perspectives and priorities shape our individual journeys in life, and yet, we all share the same fundamental drive to achieve happiness and fulfillment.
So, how do we tap into this drive and create a life filled with purpose and satisfaction? This is a question that has puzzled philosophers, scientists, and thinkers for centuries. From ancient Greece to modern-day psychology, countless theories have been developed to shed light on this complex and fascinating subject.
Theories span from Maslow’s Pyramid of Needs to Herzberg’s Two-Factor Theory and Self-Determination Theory by Deci and Ryan, to Antonovsky’s concept of Salutogenesis, these theories provide valuable insights into what drives us as individuals. And, with the help of popular books like D. Pink’s “Drive”, J. Clear’s “Atomic Habits”, and A. Huffington’s “Thrive”, we can gain a deeper understanding of how these theories impact our daily lives.
These theories may seem complicated, but they don’t have to be. You can easily explore and understand them, relate them to your own context, and discover what it takes to lead a fulfilling life.
In my own journey, I like to focus on five key aspects, which I call the Pillars of Life:
- Purpose gives me clarity on what drives me, what motivates me to get up every morning, and what I am passionate about achieving.
- Health is about taking care of my mind and body, ensuring I have the energy and vitality to pursue my purpose.
- Freedom allows me to act, to make choices and decisions that align with my values and goals.
- Relationships are the foundation of my connection to others and the world to create value.
- Identity is my idea of myself and who I am in the context of the universe.
You might be wondering, where is wealth and money on this list? Don’t worry, we’ll get to that later.
Let’s take a closer look at each of them and see if I can provide a spark for your own reflection.
Purpose
“The purpose of life is not to be happy.
It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate,
to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
“What is the purpose of life?” This question has been asked by countless individuals throughout history, and the answer remains elusive (unless it is 42). However, when we think about purpose in a more practical sense, it can have a tangible impact on our lives.
As humans, we benefit from the resources of the world simply by existing – particularly if we have the luck of being born in a developed country and living in a time of peace. But what can we offer in return? We don’t all have to be geniuses like Einstein, Mozart, or Picasso to make a meaningful impact. It’s about what we’re willing to contribute and what lives we’re willing to touch and make better.
Each of us has unique skills, experiences, and interests that we can use to solve problems and bring value to the table when interacting with others. By finding the overlap of these aspects, we can create our purpose, to be passionate about, and what we can offer the world. By expanding this overlap by growing in all of these areas over time, we can increase our impact.
For me, I have a background in software development and leadership and I find joy in mentoring and helping younger leaders grow, improving organizations, and creating better software.
I like to think of myself as a leader, learner, and human, with a passion for continuous growth and excellence at my core.
Passion and purpose can be found where we create value
In a world where we’re all constantly looking for fulfillment, it’s important to remember that our purpose doesn’t have to be grand or groundbreaking. It’s about finding the ways in which we can make a difference in the lives of others and the world around us, even in small ways. So, ask yourself:
- What value can I bring to the table?
- What am I willing to contribute?
- How can I expand over time?
Health
“A healthy man wants a thousand things, a sick man only wants one”
– Naval Ravikant
As humans, we possess both a mind and a body that work together to shape our experience of the world. It’s amazing how we often take this combination for granted until something starts to go wrong. Over the past years, I’ve learned the hard way how our bodies are not invincible and will eventually start to deteriorate, no matter how well we care for them. This is why I’ve made it a mission to prioritize my physical and mental health, so I can live a long and fulfilling life.
To help you get started on your journey toward better health, I want to share the key aspects of what I’ve learned about caring for both the mind and body.
Physical Health
- Nutrition & Diet. Make sure you’re getting enough protein (1.5 g per kg bodyweight) and adjusting your caloric intake to match your goals (cutting, bulking, or maintaining). Load up on veggies and berries while reducing processed foods that are high in unhealthy fats, salts, and sugars. This doesn’t have to be restrictive – it’s actually quite enjoyable once you get started.
- Water. Aim for at least 3 liters of plain water, unsweetened herbal tea, or black coffee each day.
- Exercise. Incorporate weight training with progressive overload two to four times a week, as well as daily low-intensity steady state cardio with occasional high-intensity training.
- Sleep. Get at least seven hours of sleep each night – the more, the better. Rest is greatly underrated, especially in today’s fast-paced culture.
- Sunlight. Get some sunlight in the morning and avoid it in the evening to boost your Vitamin D levels.
- Hygiene & Grooming. This one should be a no-brainer, but make sure you’re taking care of your teeth, gums, hair, nails, and skin too.
As for bad habits, smoking and excessive drinking (I’m pleading guilty occasionally) should be avoided.
Mental Health
- Attention & Focus & Meaning. You are in control of what you give your attention and focus to, as well as the meaning and intention you attach to it. Choose wisely, as attention and focus are limited resources for the brain.
- Relaxation. Creativity and growth come from the balance between stress and rest. Give your brain time to rest and overcome worries about the past (depression) or future (anxiety) to regain mental energy.
- Gratitude. Appreciate what you have. We often take many things for granted and focus solely on what we lack, neglecting the abundance and richness that surrounds us. Show kindness to others and yourself, and share in the wealth of human creativity.
- Self-Reflection & Introspection. Take time to reflect on your emotions, triggers, habits, and routines to make more informed decisions. Our brains are heavily influenced by intuition and feelings, so being mindful and introspective can help you overcome limiting beliefs and unlock hidden potential.
- Self-Responsibility & Ownership. Take ownership of your life and focus on what you can control. Don’t blame others or play the victim – it’s only by taking control that you can start to make positive changes.
- Growth Mindset. Embrace the idea that you can always learn and grow. Our brains have neuroplasticity even as we age, so never limit yourself. Embracing a growth mindset is the key to an active and fulfilling future.
When it comes to living a long and fulfilling life, the health of both our mind and body is paramount. By embracing key principles, we empower ourselves to take control and make positive changes. Whether it’s incorporating healthy eating habits, starting a daily exercise routine, or taking time for self-reflection, each step we take toward better health and happiness brings us closer to living the life we deserve.
Freedom
“Money won’t create success, the freedom to make it will.”
– Nelson Mandela
Freedom is the state of being liberated from external control, limitations, or hindrance, and having the power to act and make choices according to your own desires.
This sounds fantastic, but how do you attain freedom?
Not all aspects of freedom can be achieved through individual efforts alone. Achieving freedom often requires creating equal, just, and human rights-respecting conditions at a societal and political level. However, a significant amount of freedom, or better stated autonomy, can be obtained through personal actions, and this is what I believe.
Financial
Financial independence is a key aspect of freedom and the ability to make choices. Despite the notion that money doesn’t equate to happiness, having financial stability and independence opens up opportunities for individuals to take control of their lives and make choices that align with their values and priorities.
Many people think that financial independence comes from earning more money, and that’s true to some extent. However, it can also be achieved by reducing your spending, especially on the clutter that you accumulate due to lifestyle inflation and the pressure to keep up with the Joneses.
So, how can you achieve financial independence? Here are some steps to get you started:
- Limit your spending. Live below your means – seriously, most of the things you own, you don’t actually need. Embrace the idea of intentionality and minimalism.
- Grow your earning potential. Invest in yourself, develop new skills and look for ways to create more value for others. By that, you may diversify your income streams, which is crucial in achieving financial independence.
- Increase your savings rate. Make sure to pay your future-self first and then spend on your current needs, but not to the point of depriving either.
- Put your savings to work. Invest in assets that can grow over time and generate passive income, like index funds, real estate, or ventures.
Location
To live, work, and travel freely without the restriction of geography is a powerful dream that many of us share. It’s a desirable concept, but not all of us can achieve it. Our financial resources and type of job play a crucial role in how much location freedom we can attain. Nevertheless, it’s a worthy pursuit, as having location freedom opens up incredible experiences and perspectives that can improve our quality of life.
So, how can we get there? Here are some key aspects to consider:
- Job & Income. Having income streams that are location-independent is a game-changer. When you can work and provide value remotely, you unlock a new level of freedom. The same is true for any passive income streams that don’t require a direct exchange of time for money.
- Possessions. By reducing the number of possessions you own, you increase your flexibility to move. Minimalism can help you reevaluate your relationship with things, and remember that they are just that – things. You don’t have to become a digital nomad but being intentional about what you own can go a long way.
- Relationships. This is undoubtedly the hardest aspect of location freedom, as you can’t take everyone you love with you. But by focusing on the quality of your relationships, rather than the quantity of time you spend with someone, you can build connections that will last a lifetime. By finding ways to interact with loved ones from afar, you make a valuable investment in your relationships.
Time
The concept of time is at the heart of our economy. We trade our time for money and that’s how we pay our bills and live our lives. However, time is limited and once it’s gone, it’s gone forever. This is why many people aspire to achieve time freedom.
But what is time freedom exactly? It’s the ability to spend your days as you please without being tied to a strict work schedule. It means having the freedom to do what you love, when you love, without being held back by the constraints of time.
So, how can we achieve time freedom?
- Consume less, Create more. The key to gaining more time freedom is to create more value. Rather than spending hours consuming content, redirect that time to invest in the things you wish you had time for or in developing your skills, which will increase your earning potential.
- Trade-Off & Trade-Back. Evaluate the trade-offs between time and money. Do you really need to spend your time working long hours if it’s not bringing you joy or fulfillment? Or can you spend money to get more time back? Consider reducing your work hours (as I do since last year) to allow more time for the things you love, just make sure you do not unreasonably deprive your future self.
- Entrepreneurship. Create your own value. Starting your own business or becoming an entrepreneur gives you more control over your time. It may be riskier than a regular job, but it also has the potential for greater rewards. And you can start small with a side hustle, which brings you joy, even if it takes time (as I did with my own little Etsy shop).
- Leverage. Consider how you can leverage your time to create even more value. This could be through collaboration, capital, code, or content (a concept proudly taken from Alex Hormozi & Naval Ravikant). The idea is to find ways to make your time work 1:X harder for you so that you’re not tied to a 1:1 ratio between the time you invest and the value you create.
What about productivity? There is certainly value in becoming more efficient in your work, but if you’re not paid based on your results, but rather by the number of hours you work, it won’t create a 1:X relationship. Furthermore, there are natural limits to personal productivity – your waking hours – so we must find alternative methods for growth.
The pursuit of freedom or autonomy is not just about breaking free from a job. It’s about breaking free from the physical and mental limitations and hindrances that bind us. This requires a combination of discipline, intentional living, and a focus on long-term objectives. Start taking small steps today towards freedom and the ability to make choices that matter to you.
Relationships
“In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.
It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.
We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.”
– Albert Schweitzer
As social creatures, humans have always thrived through connections and support. Our innate need for love and belonging is what has driven us to survive and thrive as a species. It is through our relationships with others that we find emotional and practical support, intimacy, and a sense of community. However, it can be easy to take these relationships for granted and neglect the effort it takes to cultivate strong and healthy connections.
I can share some aspects of what I discovered regarding the purposes, benefits, and limitations of these relationships and how they impact my life in different ways.
Your relationship with Yourself
Your relationship with yourself is the foundation of all other relationships. When you have a positive relationship with yourself, you have a better understanding of your own needs, emotions, and values. This self-awareness allows you to communicate effectively, set boundaries, and manage conflicts in your relationships with others. Having a positive self-image and self-esteem can help you attract and maintain healthy relationships, as well as handle challenges and setbacks in relationships more resiliently. On the other hand, a negative relationship with yourself can lead to self-doubt, insecurity, and an unhealthy dependency on others for validation and fulfillment. This can negatively impact your relationships with others and create patterns of unhealthy communication and behavior. Be kind to yourself.
Your relationship with your Partner
Having a supportive and loving partner can bring countless benefits to your life. Your partner is someone you choose to share your life with and they offer emotional comfort, intimacy, and a sense of belonging. A strong and healthy relationship with your partner can boost your mental well-being, overall happiness, and quality of life. It can also equip you with the strength to handle life’s challenges and build self-confidence and self-esteem. Together, you and your partner can create a supportive network that helps you both grow and develop, personally and as a couple. Remember to be kind and considerate to your partner, and don’t be afraid to appreciate a reminder when you need it (I certainly do).
Your relationship with your Family
Your family is the foundation of your identity, influencing your beliefs and values through the relationships formed in your early years. From emotional and practical support to guidance and advice, family members are there for us through thick and thin, bound together by a shared history and memories. While these relationships tend to be strong and enduring, it’s crucial to set clear boundaries and remember that not all family relationships are marked by unconditional love and support. It’s okay to prioritize your own well-being, as it is only then that you can truly be there for those who matter to you.
Your relationship with your Friends
Friends are a source of love, laughter, and support. True friends are people who are supportive, empathetic, and non-judgmental. They provide a sense of belonging and security, and they help us navigate the ups and downs of life. True friends respect boundaries, are honest and are willing to offer help when needed. On the other hand, superficial friends are often more focused on appearances, material possessions, and status and may not be there for you during tough times. It is not the quantity but the quality of your friendships that count. Select them carefully.
Your relationship with your Colleagues & Acquaintances
Colleagues and acquaintances serve a unique purpose in our support systems and relationships. Unlike friends and family, these individuals are often encountered in professional or social settings, and the relationship is not as personal. Despite that, they can still provide practical help, social support, and information, but with a lower level of trust and intimacy. Building relationships with these individuals can bring a new perspective to personal growth, granting access to a diverse range of knowledge, networks, and opportunities. They can also offer an objective, professional viewpoint on certain matters, and expand your pool of connections and influence, proving helpful in reaching career and personal goals. Cultivate your network, but remember that these relationships are two-way streets.
Your relationship with the Universe
This may sound a bit strange at first but cultivating a relationship with the universe (others may call it faith) involves connecting with something greater than yourself. This deeper, spiritual connection leads to a sense of wonder, gratitude, and peace. Recognizing that you are part of a larger picture and having a role to play brings clarity and grounding. Whether through nature, meditation, praying, or simply paying attention to the beauty and mystery of the world around you. Tapping into the universal energy and feeling interconnected with all living things can bring hope, comfort, and resilience, even in difficult times. In the end, we are all made of stardust and will be stardust again one day.
Relationships are an integral part of our lives and play a significant role in our well-being and happiness. From close relationships with family and friends to our connection with the universe, investing in these relationships can bring us a sense of love, support, purpose, and fulfillment. It’s important to take the time to nurture these relationships and make them a priority in our lives. So, let’s make an effort to invest in the relationships that matter most to us and build a more connected, fulfilling life.
Call someone today you have not reached recently (or at least send them a kind message).
Identity
“The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.”
– Michel de Montaigne
The question “Who am I?” is one that often goes unanswered, whether due to fear, insecurity, lack of self-awareness, or societal influences. It takes courage and introspection to reflect on one’s identity and understand how it has been shaped. Your self-image or mental picture of yourself plays a significant role in forming your identity and how you perceive the world around you. Your identity is a combination of your beliefs, values, experiences, behaviors, and background. If your self-image is positive, it can lead to confidence and motivation, but if negative, it can limit your potential.
The “Narrative Theory of Personal Identity” suggests that your identity is constructed through the stories you tell about yourself and the meaning you give to your experiences. Your self-concept evolves over time, shaped by ongoing life events and the narratives you create around them.
What stories are you telling about yourself? Try exploring. Embracing this journey of self-discovery and reflection can lead to a better understanding of your unique sense of self. This in turn can lead to more meaningful and coherent actions in life.
To make it a bit more practical and to get a better sense of my identity, I find answering the following questions quite helpful:
- Purpose “Why do I exist?” serves as the overarching reason for one’s existence, guiding all other aspects of one’s identity, driving decision-making, and goal-setting.
- Vision “Where do I want to be?” represents the desired future state or outcome that one wants to see realized and provides direction and motivation for goal-setting and decision-making.
- Mission “How will I get there?” is a clear and concise statement that defines what one wants to do in order to realize their vision and helps focus efforts and resources toward the desired outcome in actionable steps.
- Values “What is important to me?” are qualities or principles that a person considers to be important or worthwhile that guide behavior and decision-making, aligned with purpose and vision.
- Beliefs “What do I believe is true?” are the convictions and principles that one holds to be true about the world and one’s place in it that shape one’s perspective on life and inform their values, thoughts, feelings, and actions.
- Traits “How do I behave?” are the unique characteristics that make up an individual’s personality, shape behavior, and influence how one approaches problems and situations.
- Skills “What can I do?” are the practical abilities, competencies, and talents that one has developed through education, experience, and training serving as tools or techniques one uses to accomplish their goals, mission, and vision, and fulfill their purpose.
- Experiences “What has happened in my life?“ are the sum of all the events and situations that a person has encountered in their life, shaping their beliefs, values, and behavior.
- Environment “What surrounds me?” defines the context in which a person lives, including family, friends, community, and cultural background, which can influence their beliefs and behavior.
These elements are interconnected, with beliefs and values informing decision-making, mission, and vision guiding your direction, and skills and traits enabling actions toward your purpose. All in the context of your past experiences and the surrounding environment. These aspects are also constantly evolving, shaping, and being shaped by one another.
The journey of self-discovery and reflection can be aided by various tools and techniques. For me, these have been:
- Writing. Making my thoughts and introspections explicit, forces me to honestly reflect.
- Walks. Taking long walks in nature also provides an opportunity for my mind to wander and contemplate, sometimes I refer to it as a walking meditation.
- Coaching & Mentoring. Regularly being on both sides of the conversation, where two minds connect, is incredibly valuable in providing new perspectives and insights.
There are many other techniques available, such as meditation, mindfulness, and self-discovery boot camps that can assist in this process of introspection. The key is to find what speaks to you and what resonates with your needs and goals. By embracing these tools and techniques, you can deepen your understanding of your unique sense of self and make more informed choices in life.
Before we part ...
… it’s now a good time to take a moment to assess these five aspects in your context.
Through introspection, you can gain a deeper understanding of what a fulfilling life means to you and how to bring harmony and consistency to your personal story. This journey never truly ends. By nurturing and balancing all aspects, you’ll be well on your way to a life full of coherence and meaning.
I wish you all the best
