Table of Contents
Daily subtle games
In the world of traditional games like chess, poker, or soccer, the objectives and rules are crystal clear. You aim to checkmate the opponent’s king, outplay your adversaries with a better hand or poker face, or score more goals than the opposing team. But life presents us with a myriad of other games at work, at home, and in social settings. These games are typically more subtle, intricate, and often shrouded in ambiguity. We find ourselves playing them, sometimes consciously but more often unconsciously.
Ever wondered why the people around us occasionally exhibit peculiar, uncooperative, or self-serving behavior? It’s not always because they’re inherently unpleasant individuals, although those exist too. More often, it’s because they are engaging in a different game or playing by entirely different rules that you are not aware of. And they’re always playing to win – whatever winning means to them.
Recently, I’ve delved into these patterns within my workplace and coaching sessions, seeking to unravel the dynamics at play. In this article, I’ll shed light on some of the insights I’ve gathered and like to offer perspective and guidance on how to navigate these subtle games.
Learning the game
“You have to learn the rules of the game.
And then you have to play better than anyone else.”
– Albert Einstein
When engaging in any game, the first crucial step is to understand the game itself. Learning the game grants you the opportunity to play it skillfully, advance, and increase your chances of winning more often than losing. But what exactly should you comprehend about a game? Let’s break it down into categories I find essential.
Context – playing field
Every game unfolds within a specific context. By ‘context,’ I refer to the environment and the established boundaries that define the game. In a professional setting, the context is shaped by the organization’s areas of focus, the projects and tasks at hand, and the information and communication pertaining to these subjects. In your personal life, this context encompasses your home, daily responsibilities, financial matters, and relationships within your family.
This context serves as the playing field where the game takes place. Beyond this boundary, you often find yourself involved in a different game. While there can be occasional overlaps, your various life aspects largely determine distinct playing fields. Understanding the context allows you to align your behavior and actions with the game’s specific demands. People tend to do this unconsciously, such as adapting their level of formality or the topics they engage in. However, making this alignment explicit can help you evaluate if adjusting these behaviors could enhance your effectiveness in playing the game.
Goal – winning conditions
The second crucial aspect to consider is being unequivocal about the game’s actual goal and what a victory would entail.
Is the game about advancing in your career and increasing your income? Is it centered on attaining power and building a reputation that earns admiration? Perhaps it revolves around working on content that genuinely interests you and making a positive impact. Is it about winning an argument or deepening a relationship? Is the game zero-sum, where one person’s gain means another’s loss, or is it collaborative?
Getting clarity on the goal is key to playing effectively and adapting your moves accordingly.
Furthermore, it’s important to differentiate between your personal goals and the game’s inherent objectives. Misalignment between these can lead you to play a game that doesn’t contribute to your aspirations, leaving you puzzled about the lack of progress. Similarly, other players in the game may have differing goals. However, this misalignment doesn’t mean you can’t strive to harmonize these goals and secure wins on both fronts.
Players – competitors or collaborators
Most of the games we encounter in life are not solitary endeavors but involve others. This interconnectedness implies that the actions of fellow players have a significant impact on us, and our choices reverberate in their games as well.
Once we’ve grasped the game’s objectives and its collaborative or competitive nature, we can anticipate how other players will engage with us. In zero-sum or winner-takes-all games, it’s reasonable to assume that others will support or assist us only if it serves their interests. While some individuals may be altruistic, most are unlikely to sacrifice their own positions to help others. In such games, a cooperative approach may not be advantageous as it could weaken their standing.
Conversely, in settings where collaboration is the key to victory, such as team sports, an egocentric, superstar attitude can be detrimental. Numerous tournaments, like the recent German victory in the basketball championship, have demonstrated that team spirit and mutual support can prevail over sheer talent or a superstar mentality.
Understanding how other players respond within the game doesn’t necessarily paint them as malevolent. They are simply adhering to the rules and playing to secure their own wins, much like you would.
Rules – moves
Once you’ve clarified your goal, the next step is to chart your course toward it. This seemingly straightforward task can often prove more intricate than it appears. You might assume that the quality of your work, the results you produce, and your impact should be the decisive factors. However, in reality, elements like making impressive presentations, cultivating visibility, and projecting an image of creativity and value-oriented thinking often take precedence.
While sounding innovative and out-of-the-box is appealing, the truth may be that conforming to your manager’s opinion, and wholeheartedly supporting top-down ideas, could earn you greater appreciation.
All these aspects underscore that regardless of what you do, achieving victory in the game necessitates an alignment with the context and goals. If this alignment is off, many of your actions, no matter how logical they seem, may prove inconsequential. What truly and exclusively matters are the moves you make, those that propel you closer to your winning conditions in the eyes of the referees. Hence, it’s imperative to be clear about these moves and choose them judiciously.
Regrettably, in these subtle games, the rules are not explicitly laid out. You must deduce them through observation and by understanding how “things are run here.” This is often referred to as the culture of the organization. Ultimately, it’s the game that the organization plays. Authors like Robert Greene in “48 Laws of Power” and Niccolò Machiavelli in “The Prince” delve into these aspects extensively. While many may find certain self-centered practices distasteful, it’s undeniable that, depending on the game at hand, they can be highly effective. Thus, it behooves us to acknowledge, learn, and occasionally apply them, if we like or need to win in such games.
Referees – observers
While some games operate smoothly without the need for referees, thanks to straightforward and unambiguous rules, the games we’re discussing are quite the opposite. They are riddled with subjectivity, often even fluid in nature. As a result, implicit or explicit referees are essential in these games. These referees assess and keep score of your performance.
In the corporate world, these referees are typically your manager and their peers when it comes to formal career aspects. In social settings, they could be opinion leaders, highly regarded individuals, teachers, parents, or anyone wielding informal or formal power to evaluate you. These are the individuals you must impress with whatever aligns with the game’s goals.
What further complicates matters is that referees in one game often double as players in another. Consider the career advancement of your boss; they may judge you, but they are also being evaluated by others. Understanding how they define winning for themselves makes it easier for you to strategize your moves to support them and, consequently, win in your own game.
So be clear about who are the referees in your game.
Master – grand designer
Finally, it’s crucial to identify the mastermind behind the entire game—the one who establishes the goals, devises the rules, appoints the referees, sets the context, and selects the players. Regardless of the significance of all the other components in the game, the master holds the power to reshape it all. While not easily changed on the fly, it’s certainly malleable over time.
In organizations, this role is frequently occupied by senior management positions, responsible for defining what holds importance, what is valued, what is overlooked, and what is even penalized. They have the ability to switch out players, alter goals, and level or tilt the playing field.
Unfortunately, senior leaders often remain oblivious to the games being played within their organization. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be caught off guard by the outcomes and the substantial impact that even their subtle behaviors and actions can exert on the game. However, the more they grasp these dynamics, the better they can align the game with the organization’s overarching goals, which should invariably center on creating value.
Promoting honest reflection and giving these mechanisms due attention can be immensely beneficial. But, truth be told, how often are such topics genuinely discussed in leadership circles? From my observations, it appears that these discussions occur far too infrequently, but, of course, I’m not one to pass judgment.
Playing the game
“Always remember, others may hate you,
but those who hate you don’t win unless you hate them,
and then you destroy yourself.”
– Richard Nixon
Learning a game doesn’t automatically dictate how you’ll engage with it. Your approach will be highly influenced by the alignment between the game, your interests, values, courage, and available opportunities. There are several options to consider:
Play
This option is the most straightforward. Playing the game means adhering to its rules, striving to achieve the goals, and accepting your role in relation to other players and referees. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with this approach, it can become challenging if any of these aspects conflict with your values, genuine aspirations, or other life priorities. In such cases, you may need to address the dilemma arising from this misalignment, make compromises, and even accept sacrifices.
In the workplace, people often rationalize their actions by saying, “I’m getting paid for it” or using the German phrase “Schmerzensgeld” (injury compensation). This may provide some solace but typically only holds up to a certain point. Beyond that threshold, conflicts can take a toll on your personal and mental well-being, leading to stress, burnout, or other adverse effects.
Pretend to play
Another option is to merely pretend to play the game. This entails outwardly complying with the rules without fully embracing the associated challenges because you believe the goal isn’t worth the effort or the compromises required. Signs of this behavior can include “silent quitting,” remaining within your comfort zone, or being a passive follower. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with this approach, it’s likely to result in not winning the game. In the worst-case scenario, you may find yourself complicit in a game or practice that is later judged as irresponsible or unethical, as seen in historical contexts like Nazi Germany, within the Catholic Church, or during various industry scandals.
Don’t play
If the game is entirely unsuitable for you, you have the option not to participate. This is usually not an issue if you can leave the playing field and move away. However, if you must remain within the context of the game and cannot avoid it, your non-participation will likely raise eyebrows among other participants. It will feel like having a 13th soccer player on the football field, standing idly and not contributing, easily outmaneuvered and overrun. In the best case, you will be ignored; in the worst case, you might be bullied or forcibly removed from the playing field. In any case, you won’t win in any aspect. So, deciding not to play is usually only an option when the game has no impact on you, or you can step away.
Change the rules
Another, albeit more challenging option, is to attempt to change the rules of the game. This requires you to either be the master of the game or have influence over the master. You need some level of authority within the related context to make this happen. Otherwise, all other participants will question why they should accommodate the changed game. Changing power structures, like swapping referees or altering the goals, will likely face opposition from those currently in power or favoring the existing setup.
This is a primary reason why meaningful organizational change can only occur when the rules of the game are changed. All other efforts amount to superficial window dressing.
Additionally, any significant change must come from the master, as established, senior management, and cannot be delegated. Only the masters possess the authority to change the game.
Overthrowing a master might seem like another option, but it would require some form of rebellion, which is unusual in the subtle games we discussed. More often, replacing a master becomes a game in its own right, played by those at the top of the organization.
Choosing the game
“The only way to do great work is to love what you do.”
– Steve Jobs
Playing any game, no matter how enticing, comes with its associated costs. Therefore, it’s crucial to carefully consider which games are worth engaging in and how you will play them. Time and energy are finite resources, making it imperative to choose your games wisely.
Understanding your strengths and preferences is key to selecting the games in which you will excel. Acknowledge that there will always be others who are better at certain games, and that’s perfectly fine. Your path to joy and fulfillment lies in playing the games you genuinely enjoy and playing them well. This doesn’t mean staying within your comfort zone or only focusing on what you already excel at. It means deliberately choosing the games that align with your aspirations and values.
By defining your own idea of winning and not succumbing to external expectations and the need for validation, you can avoid getting entangled in games you find unfulfilling. Be prepared to accept defeat in some games; it’s a natural part of life. Instead, concentrate on the games that bring you value and allow you to progress towards your own version of success.
Good luck with your games!
